


Fire And Woohoo

by FunkyMeihem



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Bonding, F/M, Gaming, Humor, Meihem - Freeform, Slice of Life, The Sims, bunnyribbit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 03:36:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17276348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkyMeihem/pseuds/FunkyMeihem
Summary: Just a silly fluff story where Hana, Lucio, and Junkrat throw another game night, and rediscover an old classic.It's The Sims. It's the original Overwatch trio playing The Sims.Bunnyribbit and Meihem featured





	Fire And Woohoo

The snacks had been warmed, the drinks chilled, and they had gathered in Hana’s room again. Game night had just begun, and it started off with a proclamation.

“First off, J-Man and I had a meeting and we both agreed that we’re not playin’ any more fighting games,” Lucio declared. “The only way either of us can win is by him cheesing you with that low kick move on that one dude, and then you both start fighting in real life and I gotta break it up.”

Hana glared at them both. “Well maybe because there’s no skill involved in legsweep spam!”

Junkrat’s ever-present grin only turned sharper. “Oh-ho-ho! Still pissy because that one time I kicked your arse usin’ an effective strategy I invented myself, and you can’t just admit—”

They were starting to lean a little too close to each other already, and Lucio sighed as he shouldered in between them and spread both arms to keep them at bay. It was a well practiced strategy that he’d had to do many, many times before when tempers flared. “See! There you go! I mean it this time, we are so not doing any more fighting games. Just choose something else for game night.”

“Ugh, fine. What do you boo-hoo babies want to play tonight? Dress-Up Pony Adventures? Pachimari Island? The Sims?”

Junkrat seemed to give the choices serious thought, apparently not understanding her sarcasm. “What’s a The Sims?”

“Oh, uh,” Hana looked slightly taken aback while Lucio only smirked. “You don’t want to play that. Even I haven’t played that in years. It’s just a game where you live every day life. Like you can make little people and a house and have them get jobs and adventures and just…wacky stuff sometimes? Like I made us in the game ages ago—”

“Wait, ya made me in a game? I wanna see me! Show me The Sims Junkrat!” he demanded.

Lucio’s smile turned into a grin at the scowling Hana. “Hey, that sounds fun to me. You made a little game version of me too? Show us.”

“Oh my god, you guys,” she snorted, spinning her chair back around to face the screen. “Fine. I’ll show you the Overwatch House and your little dudes, but only for a minute. I am not spending the whole game night on The Sims. Babe, grab me a drink?”

Lucio abandoned his chair to meander over towards her mini-fridge while Junkrat pulled up both long skinny legs to rest on the edge of his chair— a chair so dirty and soot-smeared, with the cushion ruined by his peg leg and bony rear, that it had been made his own personal game chair and nobody else dared touch it… after Hana had given him an earful for trashing the thing. He perched on his seat, watching curiously as the screen lit up with The Sims 9 logo and the cheerful title theme began playing.

“The fuck is this music?” he asked, giggling madly.

“I warned you it was goofy!” she snapped, looking a little embarrassed as she snatched up the beer Lucio offered to her. Clicking it open and taking a sip, she watched as the cutscene played and the little sim characters went about their act. “See? Those are the simulated people. Get it, The Sims?”

“Wot.”

“Never mind. Lucio, you ever played this?”

“I think maybe once when I was a kid? Not this one, though.” He snapped open his soda, taking a gulp and frowning at the taste. “Aw man, did they change the ingredients in my soda again? I gotta rethink that endorsement deal. I don’t want the kids thinkin’ this is good stuff.”

Hana nodded, flicking through her save files as the game continued on. “I warned you, you have to watch the drink companies in particular. They’re always trying to change the quality. My team had a clause that no drink product could change their recipe without going through our manager first. Oof, after what happened to The Starstrikers when all those kids got tooth rot…”

Junkrat grumbled from where he was gnawing at the blackened edge of a fingernail again, up until Hana smacked his hand away from his mouth. He snorted, looking dour as he glanced between them. “Yeah, well…Mebbe one day I’ll have me own line of soft drinks, ya know? Something what’ll even outdo the Bundabergs and Bickfords! Represent! Something like… Junkrat’s Junk Root Beer, or Roadhog’s Pink Lemonade. That bloke loves pink lemonade like nothing else. Think junker merchandise could really rake in some coin…” His eyes drifted in two different directions, the way they sometimes did when he was in very deep thought, only to come snapping together at something he saw on the screen. “Oi! Is that us!”

It was more than just them, he saw. Almost the whole organization had been modeled into cartoon people form, or at least what Hana had been able to mimic of them. Soldier 76’s combat visor had been replaced with sunglasses, Torbjorn was nowhere near as tiny or bearded as he was supposed to be, Reinhardt looked more old and fat and gray than the muscular juggernaut that he was, and several of them he didn’t recognize at all. But they didn’t interest him.

Hana and Lucio’s Sims were standing next to each other, with Hana dressed in her favorite pinks and blues, and Lucio wearing a green t-shirt, his dreads nowhere near the magnificence that they were in real life. Frankly, they didn’t interest Junkrat either.

There was a very tall and very skinny one, with spiked blond hair, all four limbs intact, wearing one orange glove and a black backpack instead of a tire, and instead of his skull and fire tattoo it was just a swirl of tribal black. Junkrat gaped, jaw falling open.

Hana coughed. “Uh…Sorry? It turns out Jamie is not really not the easiest guy to make into a Sim? I mean, I didn’t want to get into all the cash shop stuff so I did what I could. And your hair kind of just makes you look like a blond Goku, but y—”

Junkrat leaned forward so abruptly that his face nearly smashed into the screen. “I look bloody amazing, mate! Look at that! Really captures my likeness, that does. S’got my good side n’ everything! And…” His wide eyes got even wider, pupils practically becoming slitted. “Look who’s next to me! Does that mean we’re a couple in the game?!”

Hana pinched her lips together and looked skyward, trying very hard not to laugh for a moment before she smothered her snickering into her beer. Lucio elbowed her and merely grinned, gesturing to where Junkrat was still trying to enter the computer screen like it was a portal to a better world. Perhaps in his mind it was, as he was standing next to a much smaller and chubbier little figure, with dark hair twisted into a bun, glasses, and a familiar blue outfit.

Finally, Hana emerged from her beer can. “Uh, I don’t think so. It’s randomly generated. Mei’s just standing next to you is all, I think. I mean, Genji’s also standing next to her, and I don’t think they--”

“The cyborg? With Mei? Yeah, nah. Delete him from the game so it’s just me! Can I fight him?”

“Okay you know what, this might actually turn out to be interesting after all. Let’s load up the house…” Hana clicked the button and the loading screen scrolled past. “Okay, this is the game itself. I made us a nice mansion, so we can go see who’s doing what. Hey, there’s Lucio already! See him eating at the dining table there?”

Lucio leaned forward on Hana’s other side. “Aw, yeah! Looks like I have some waffles. Woah, I look good! …Did you give me extra muscles?”

Her cheeks went very slightly pink beneath her whisker marks. “Uh…I may have put you in the gym a few times. Actually, you and Zarya are best friends because of it, so that’s a plus! Soooo! Let’s find Sim D.Va!” She clicked on her portrait, and it zoomed to where her namesake Sim was playing on the computer in a room decorated pink and blue, with multiple game consoles and toys. “Oh hey, meta.”

“Wow, that’s pretty true to life, I guess. You think she’s playing The Sims in her world?” Lucio said, tilting his head. “Or is she…playing our world?” He wiggled his fingers and made a spooky noise “OoooOOoooo?” that soon tickled the back of Hana’s neck and sent her into shrieking laughter as she batted his hands away.

“Yeah whatever!” Junkrat pointed to his spiky-haired portrait. “Me! Me next!”

They clicked the portrait for Housemate Jamie, and the screen centered in on where the lanky Junkrat-esque figure was screaming and waving his arms for no apparent reason, down in the house’s basement. As they watched, he whimpered and hugged himself, and then promptly urinated a blue puddle all over the floor before he straightened and wandered off.

“The fuck’s this!” his real life counterpart demanded. “Did you make me piss meself?!”

“Ooooh,” Hana said. “Sorry, I think I forgot to make you use the bathroom before.”

“Did Mei see?!”

“I don’t think so. Hold on, let’s find her.” She clicked on Mei, who was placidly sitting and reading on a couch, next to where Angela was watching television.

Sim Angela turned to her and commented a cheerful “ _Yargle boorgle doo!_ ” to which Mei replied a soft “ _Aaah, ya feeb._ ”

Junkrat looked aghast. “What’s all that? Are they talking about me? Did she call me a feeb?”

“They don’t speak a real language, it doesn’t mean anything.”

He pushed into Hana’s side abruptly, long arm reaching to the screen and clicking on his portrait again. “Back to me!”

She pushed him right back, elbowing him back into his chair. “Hey! What did I say about trying to steal my screen control! You know the rules!”

Lucio sighed, lifting both hands. “J-Man, she did lay down the rules a while back. You gotta chill, man. Let her do her thing unless it’s your turn, right?”

Junkrat scowled, looking chastised as he slumped back into his ruined chair once more. Though he couldn’t remain sullen for long, watching his little virtual self wander through the dark basement and speaking gibberish to himself. Hana had left the camera on him, at least, despite her protests. And both she and Lucio watched with curiosity as the Sim Jamie spun in a circle and yelled ‘ _Nipsy vorg_!” before ascending the stairs to join the others.

“That there is a man on a mission,” he said, nodding with approval. “Look, I’m thinkin’ of drumsticks, I’m gonna nipsy vorg some chicken.”

Hana hovered over a smaller window with his stats. “I think you’re going to cook something. This’ll be funny. I gave you the pyromaniac trait, so…Let’s watch.”

Sim Jamie passed by Sim Lucio, who was cleaning up the last of his waffles. Following the other Sim into the kitchen, he began dutifully washing his plate in the sink while his pyromaniac housemate pulled a package out of fridge and began chopping it up. A few moments of that, and he shoved the platter into the oven…which promptly caught on fire and began smoking wildly as Sim Jamie laughed and clapped in front of it.

Real life Jamie seemed just as thrilled. “Yeah! Attaboy! Fight the system!”

“Every time.” Hana nodded.

Sim Lucio started shrieking and clutching his hair in alarm, dancing frantically in place for several moments before pulling an extinguisher from nowhere to begin battling the flames. He was soon joined by the sunglasses-wearing Soldier 76, who started screaming helplessly on the sidelines but strangely made no move to help. Sim Jamie just laughed wildly before turning and pulling a whole bowl of cereal out of the fridge, eating and enjoying the show.

“Why am I the only one trying to save the house!” Lucio protested, pointing in a very accusatory way at the virtual Soldier.

“The hell were you complainin’ about before, Hana?” Junkrat said. “This game’s amazin’. Oi, make me go say hi to Mei.”

“Wow, even a kitchen fire can’t distract you? This sounds serious. All right, let’s see where Mei is now.” She scrolled to find the little blue-dressed Sim, who was… blurred out on the toilet. “Oh, um.”

“She can’t stay in there forever! Put me outside the door there.”

“Yeah, Jamie. Totally not being creepy on her Sim or anything, here.”

They abandoned the still-screaming Sim Lucio as he battled the oven blaze, as Sim Jamie took up his post admiring a painting of a sad clown that had been hung near the bathroom. Soon the door clicked open, and Mei exited. Hana took the opportunity to make her charge approach her, selecting ‘Chat’.

“ _Ah dag voorlog, mis frontoy?_ ” Sim Jamie asked.

“ _Oh! Blanana! Dipso varootni_ ,” Mei answered, and then laughed. It sounded nothing like her real laugh.

That didn’t stop Junkrat from lighting up, bushy brows lifting hopefully. “She likes me! Make me say that stuff again, she likes it!”

Hana brought up the enactment wheel. “Hey, why I don’t show you how to actually play this? See, these are all your options. What do you want to make your little Sim guy do next?”

“Kiss her!”

Lucio sighed. “J-Man, even the Sims versions of the ladies don’t appreciate it when you just try to kiss them out of nowhere. Why not give her a compliment or something?”

“Uh, okay. Well it says hug, there. Let’s give Mei a hug. Nice friendly hug, right?”

Hana clicked on the hug, and they watched as their Jamie opened up both arms and went in for the embrace, only for Mei to shrink back and rebuff him with a curt, “ _Eeenh! Va nitso!_ ” that left the spurned Jamie with two disappointed minus bars over his head.

“What the fuck is wrong with her!”  Junkrat demanded. “I’m doing all the right stuff! This game’s shite!”

“Dude, try something more lowkey. Hana, make our boy actually compliment her,” Lucio said, downing the last of his soda. “I can’t believe we’re even focusing on this while the house is burning down, by the way. I’m probably dead in the kitchen.”

“Nah,” Hana assured him. “We’d hear the Grim Reaper music if you were dead. It’s fine. We’re going to focus on the more important things, like romance. Let’s try Lucio’s suggestion.”

Junkrat still looked peevish, but accepted the suggestion as she selected ‘Compliment’. His Sim approached Mei once more, clearing his throat and smoothing back his hair (He really did have a nice head of hair, didn’t he?) before giving her the wink and the gun, saying “ _Aaay! Wo ta tupsi blorno, dayg_.” The Sim Mei seemed a little taken aback, but giggled and swayed a little as she shyly answered gibberish back to him. Plus signs popped over both their heads as they continued.

Hana leaned back and smirked. “So! What did we learn!”

Heartened once more, Rat finally conceded. “Arright arright, maybe the kisses were coming on just a bit strong. Let’s chat her up some more. Oh! Share secrets! Let’s learn her secrets? Oh oh, no, do that one. Talk about fire.”

“Actually, Romeo, why don’t you play for a little bit? I don’t really care what happens to the save anyway— NO, no getting on MY chair. Just move yours in the middle.” Hana rolled her chair to the side, grabbing the back of Junkrat’s chair to push it into her spot. “I’m gonna go make some popcorn. Lucio, come with?”

“Yeah, hold on.” He picked up both their empty cans, moving to follow her out. “Gotta recycle these. Yo J, you want anything from the kitchen?”

Junkrat was already involved in a very deep and completely nonsensical conversation between Sim Jamie and Sim Mei, the task bar already filled as he clicked to compliment her again. “Huh?”

“That’s a no. Come on,” Hana urged, grabbing Lucio’s hand to guide him out of her room as the door whooshed shut behind them. Once she was sure they were out of earshot and a fair distance down the hall, she glanced to him with a more genuine little grin. “You know, this is one of the few times I’m not scared to leave him in there by himself.”

Lucio paused to basketball-toss one of the cans into the recycling bin by the kitchen door, clattering into the goal. “I think he’s doing better with the whole ‘boundaries’ thing, on not blowing things up that don’t belong to him.”

She nodded, ripping open a packet of popcorn and tossing it into the machine. “Not perfect, though. And he still thinks I didn’t notice him stealing my Retro Zeldamari keychain. Uh…I was going to demand it back from him, but then I saw Roadhog wearing it and…yeah, not worth it.”

“Not perfect,” Lucio agreed, smiling a little sheepishly. “Sorry about your keychain, I’ll get you a new one.”

She rolled her eyes, plugging in the cooking time before leaning back against the counter, opening both arms. “It’s fine. I mean, you can still buy me a new one,” she grinned. “But it’s fine. Jamie’s funny. Sometimes I still wanna strangle him, but he’s a fun guy. Don’t worry so much about him, Lu.”

“Can’t help it, I guess.” He meandered forward, wrapping her up in a tight hug and speaking into her shoulder. “Just trying to make sure everyone gets along.”

“That’s because…” Hana drew his chin up with one finger where he had been slumped against her chest, meeting his concerned gaze. Nodding solemnly, she dropped her voice to a furtive whisper. “…because you are the lamest lamer to ever lame…lame-oid.”

The DJ’s face split into a grin, shoulders shaking as he started laughing into her collarbone. “Aaah, ya got me.”

“C’mere,” she said, grinning back at him. “We have like two minutes for the corn to pop. That’s like, two straight minutes of making out. Timer and everything. Ready?” She didn’t give him a chance to answer, pressing her lips to his before he could even react.

His grip tightened around her, one hand sliding down to her slender waist, resting atop one hip as he tilted his head. Their kiss deepened, her tongue soon boldly prodding into his mouth as he started to press her against the countertop. Nearly bent backward, her fingers clawed into the fabric of his shirt to hold on, looping one ankle around his leg. Lucio growled a low hum into her lips, the soft wet sounds of their mouths drowned out by the humming and rapid popping of the microwave next to them.

There was soon a very cheerful ding, and she grumbled as he released her to grip onto the counter, lifting himself off her. Smoothing back her hair, she stood and adjusted her mussed and crooked top. “Two minutes are up already?”

“Time’s up, corn’s done,” he said, shrugging helplessly. “And you prrrrrobably don’t want to leave Jamie in there alone for too long, Sims or not.”

“Yeah, you’re right, but… You want to stay over after he leaves? Like, longer than two minutes?”

“Don’t think I don’t notice you trying to set me up for a stamina joke, girl. And I’ll check my schedule, but I think I might be able to make some time tonight. After game night.” He reached into the microwave and grabbed the popcorn bag, jostling it about before upending it into the D.Va Bunny Bowl she held out for him. “Let’s go see the damage.”

She snorted, taking her corn and leading him out of the kitchen and back down the hall. “It had better be virtual damage only.”

***

Hana’s door beeped and whooshed open, and they found Junkrat still curled in his chair, facing the holoscreen with his cheeks flushed pink and a stranger grin than usual. He didn’t even glance their way, trying to stifle his giggling as he rocked back and forth and remained fixated on the game.

Lucio lifted a brow at him, stealing a handful of popcorn before meandering over back to his own chair. “What did we miss?”

Hana followed shortly after. “Yeah, how are things going with- OH!”

There was the sound of soft moaning from the Sims game, and both of them watched aghast as the bed on the screen bumped and writhed and giggled. Little hearts popped blipped up from the covers, and the blankets were soon pulled down to reveal Sim Jamie and Sim Mei looking adoringly at one another after a round of carnal bliss. Mei even sighed happily and reached out to stroke his jaw, muttering a satisfied little, “ _Mmm, na darnu pas noorny…_ ” as Jamie uttered a very sexual growl.

Pausing with popcorn halfway to her mouth, Hana merely looked vaguely impressed. “Huh. That was actually pretty fast. I had to give Lucio like ten straight minutes of hugs and massages before he’d bang my Sim.”

“Hey, Sim-Me has standards,” Lucio said. “Gotta get those hugs.”

Junkrat looked up at them, biting one sharp fang into his lip and muffling a shriek of happy laughter. “Ya didn’t tell me there was rootin’ in this game! I was gettin’ all nice and spicy with Mei, even got to give her a kiss on the cheek. So I kissed her cheek a bunch of times, then I kissed her on the lips some. And then I saw Mei had this ‘woohoo’ thing, so I thought she wanted to party, you know? Like, celebrate, woohoo!”

Hana smirked. “…That’s actually super adorable, you thought she wanted a party?”

“Well…turns out she wanted to party all right! So uh…I’ve been making us woohoo since you been gone. Also some weird music started playing and this guy in a cloak showed up, but who gives a shit? So I went back to woohooing Mei—”

“Wait, guy in a cloak? Oh, damnit! Hold on, let me see—” She batted Junkrat’s hands away from her screen as he went to make woohoo yet again, and scrolled over towards the kitchen.

The kitchen was obliterated, little more than a fire-charred husk. Hanzo and the Grim Reaper were both dancing to a stereo that had survived the blaze, completely ignoring the scene nearby where Angela, Torbjorn, and Hana were weeping pitifully over the scorched gravestones and piles of ash that had once been Lucio, Soldier, and Zarya. Genji, also scorched and black from battling the fire, lay passed out in exhaustion, snoring amongst the debris.

Lucio’s jaw dropped open. “I’m dead! I told you I was gonna die! Jamie, man, you killed me! You killed like four people while we were making popcorn!”

“Bad luck there, mate. Just had more important things to do. Oi, Hana, put it back on me and Mei. Where’s Mei’s bed, can we woohoo on there next?”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “Uh, why don’t I just let you borrow the game and then you can woohoo with virtual Mei and murder all your friends as much as you want?”

“Yeh! Sounds ace, thanks darl!”

“Hold on, this is for the game night records.” Pausing the game on the scene of utter house distraction and death, she spun Junkrat’s chair around and pulled Lucio in against her as she grabbed her phone. Snuggling the boys in on either side, she angled the picture so it was the three of them grinning in front of the Sim carnage, with her flashing the peace sign. “For all our dead Sim pals and Jamie’s woohoos. One, two, three, kimchiiii!”

“Kimchiii!”

She snapped the photo, looking down to the newest picture of game night, to add in to all the ones before…the ones with them laughing, eating, arguing, making faces, and the blurry one that Lucio had taken of Hana pinning a flailing Junkrat by the chest while he held the game control out of her reach.

Smiling, she scrolled through them. “That was a good one. I can’t believe the most successful game for you was The Sims. I never would have guessed it.”

“Nah, yeah. Educational game, this is. Lu was right about all the complimentin’ and chats and whatnot, before we get to the kissing and the woohooing. Got to approach the ladies slow-like, not spook them.”

“Uh huh,” Hana said. “Life lessons from The Sims. We’re all learning something tonight. I learned that the Grim Reaper and Hanzo have a lot in common, that Jamie isn’t housebroken, and that Lucio is super flammable.”

Lucio chuckled, wrapping both arms around her shoulders and kissing her neck, leaning to look through the pictures as well. “I died for a noble cause.”

Junkrat sighed dreamily. “I learned how many times I gotta compliment Mei for woohoo. Gotta try to remember that for later…”

“You know,” she suggested. “There’s more stuff you can do in this game besides death and woohoo? I mean you can have babies and get jobs and raise pets and all kinds of stuff. You can also dress everyone in hot dog outfits and make a prison compound where they are forced to make paintings and write erotic novels to fund your efforts to make one hundred babies with everyone in town.”

The two boys stared at her.

“But uh…How about we make a new household instead and I’ll show you the rest of the game, Jamie?”

“Can’t believe you were holdin’ out on me. This is the best game I ever heard of. Yeah, show me more Sims! Woohoo!”


End file.
